Ask HN: How to regain focus when you feel overwhelmed?

Obviously, we only have a small part of your story. It looks like You took on too much. Lots of people do that. That's part of how you grow, but recognizing it is the main point.

Make task lists of the big picture (not just "To Do Lists") , so you can start to chart what is really being accomplished. Pretend you are explaining it to a a 10 year old.

I moved to the South Pacific and took over a complexed chemical engineering situation that was very hard to make progress on. I started to make it make sense "to a 10 year old" and then my sense of accomplishment really grew.

" Getting Government Permits to get small samples. Should take 90 days. We are on day 160. "

You begin to realize all the action that you are doing...even if it hasn't fully translated to acomplished tasks. That really helps.

Also, block your time and unplug. Like tackle one problem from 9am-11:30am then take an hour long walk in the park.

That will also help.

That's my 2 cents and it worked for me.

I'm naturally a pretty anxious person. I can't give you business advice but I can give you advice on stress.

I like to do things that help me control my anxiety. There are two relatively simple things you can do that will noticeably relax you. Sauna use and wim hof breathing. Going to the sauna regularly (I started 1/week but now do 5/week) relaxes me and triggers heat shock proteins that reduce depression[1]. Wim hof breathing centers me and and significantly reduces my anxiety.

I actually like to do 4 things all together; sauna, cold showers, exercise, and wim hof breathing exercises. When I do all 4 my stress is almost non existent. Things can bother me-- I'm not super human-- but I'm able to handle stress much more effectively to the point that it's almost never an issue. If you are willing to, you can try doing it all.

These won't solve all your problems. They are simply tools to use. Ultimately you can't control the world, but you can control how you respond to it.

[1]https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.1603014\*

I feel you.

Over the past 3 years, I've had to face

- New job (with the slow burning leetcode nonsense as a precursor)

- Dad's court cases (he has a lot going on)

- Wife's immigration woes (USCIS is hands down the WORST agency in the world)

- Wife's job situation (made tenuous by USCIS)

- Mom's covid

- Dad's admission to hospital because of diabetes symptoms

- 2 Failed IVF cycles

- Inability to travel outside the country because US consulates don't function for my wife

- Promotion and management issues

- Inflation

- Recession

I am spent. Each one of the above is its own bureaucracy with insurance and/or slow government. US government truly is obnoxious to deal with.

Honestly, I don't give two rats ass about work any longer. I used to be strategic and effective engineer. I don't think I can keep up with bureaucracy any longer.

The only way I've managed myself through this is by sleeping well ( with a low-dose 1mg melatonin every night) and cutting off all social connections (which really sucks). I also try to do small tasks at a time but I don't know how much longer I can sustain this for.

It sounds like you have a complicated life compared to many other people (certainly compared to me). Focus is a matter of priorities - if you have too many important things going on (I assume you started a company, relocated to a different country and are probably involved in several technologies) then you can't afford to neglect any, so you have to devote attention to all these important topics. Outsourcing things that others do better than you will help with that (you mention an accountant, so you already are doing some of that). Maybe getting a lawyer to help you with the bank would also help.

Looks like you're trying to get all of these done at the same time. Choose one task that you feel like working on the most.

Now keep taking baby-steps to gradually build momentum.

Try not to worry about the completion. keep switching tasks whenever you feel overwhelmed.

Try less hard and care less intensely. You are doing as much as you can under the current conditions and it says nothing about how "good" you are. You may simply be faced with too much at this point, and you might need to make some tough decisions.

Have you considered transferring at least some of your crypto assets into precious metals? Might be an alternative to banks in the interim, and many exchanges take crypto payments. That way you don't have to worry so much about the potential of losing literally everything.

If what you are doing really is that lucrative, maybe this is a sign you should hire someone to take over your duties.

You may have already thought of this but you could move the crypto to a stable coin like USDC while waiting for the tax / bank situation to be resolved (if that would not further complicate things).

I am a coach for engineers who have challenges, exactly like this

I know the pain of not sleeping well due to concerns I have felt how this stress zaps away all the vital energy

I would appreciate if you accept to have a 30 mins call, where I can listen to you and look together for a solution

free of charge and geared only to engineers

Daniel

If possible, try to get some distance from the particulars and do some emotional introspection.

I am not recommending psychedelics or plant medicines, however mentioning that they have helped many achieve levels of introspection into their own hardware and software to allow a more honest refactor of one’s main user interface to reality (our mind and body).

Are you working on this project alone or do you have a partner or assistant?

Sounds like you need a vacation.

I have also been coping with many things of the past 2.5 years; it has been very stressful.

You can't "Try" meditation/yoga nidra over a short time and expect to be doing it at a high level. It may take many years to make progress on them, but don't give up. Keep working on them. The dividends will definitely come.

Ideas that may help:

1. be in the present moment. (I.e. be mindfull) This is the most important things that one can do. In order to do that one must accept reality. One can't change the past, it has already happened; so don't worry or stress about it. Accept it. Learn from it; use it an opportunity to grow. If you don't accept it, that will cause all sorts of mental problems. Also, don't worry about the future, you don't know how it will unfold. Don't make the assumption that it will be bad. The key is to stay in the present.

2. Breath using your diaphram. I.e. belly breathing. Lots of times when stressed or nervous one breaths only in the upper chest, which will add stress to the body.

3. Pranayama - yoga breathing exercises. These should balance one out and help one calm down. Alternate nostril breathing to balance out at the start of pranayama or yoga session. (One needs to do the clearing practice.) Then move practices to calm one down. For example, exhaling longer than inhaling is calming. Generall a 2 (exhale) to one ratio (inhale). You should get an experienced teacher for this. It can do wonders to calm one.

4. Keep doing exercise that is physically tiring that will help burn up excess energy.

5. Some times when one is stresed, tension will build up in the body. That is where yoga asana comes in, it can help remove the tension by stretching the muscles that are tense/tight. This also bring up the point of trying to recognize how one's body feels. Can one feel the emotion or stress in the body? If so, try to release it. (whether mentally or by physically stretching) I found a relaxing meditation that did a body scan where it had one mentally release tension as one scanned one's body when I had trouble sleeping one time. It helped me sleep, I noticed that when I woke the tension in my lower back was greatly reduced or gone. The mind can definitely relieve tension on its own. I would look for a yoga teacher that can apply ayurvedic practices to the yoga.

6. Try a weekly deep tissue massage.

7. Try flotation station (isolation talk filled with salt water). I have only tried this a couple of times; it seems very relaxing and helps to remove tension from the physical body.

8. Try a therapist. If nothing else, it is a person that one can dump whatever shXt on and talk about as opposed to burdening a friend or family memmber.

9. Two books that I have found very helpful for one's mental state:

- Untethered Soul by Michael Singer - Power of NOW by Ekhart Tolle

They are geared to help one be in the present moment. I read them in that order and recommend that order. These are not quick reads, one will need to think about them deeply. If you only want to ready one, then go for Power of NOW.

10. Socialize. Do something in the physical presence of other people. Do a jog or hike with somebody. Take your dog for a walk regularly.

11. Cut out media and do other meaningful tasks. This means internet, TV, streaming, phone, etc. A lot of the media is geared to get one addicted and stirred up. Whatever has happened, is already in the past and one can't change it. Get a feature phone that only does talk and SMS text (or disable other features), then one will not be addicted to it like crack.

12. Don't avoid doing stuff. Avoiding stuff difficult to deal with will likely make it worse. Deal with it get it over with and move on to something that enjoyable. If one puts it off, it will keeping being mental burden that will keep crossing one's mind and pulling one out of the present. Also avoiding that stuff sort of is like not accepting reality. One needs to accept reality to be happy.

When I get overwhelmed I can sometimes see what needs to be done but the effort to do what I know needs done seems like 'so much'. Sometimes I know I can 'spin up' my efforts enough to get it done.. but for some reason I have this judgement that spinning up that much effort "isn't worth it". Which is pretty silly.. I'm sitting here miserable with the ability to end it but yet still think that putting effort into my own success is somehow not worth it. Pretty telling.

So what I do is accept that its going to take a lot of effort -- and that effort is worth it!

Then I just have to get tactical about it. I have to use the skills and advice I've learned works.

1. Get momentum going early in the morning. I know.. everyone knows this. The thing is, it works. Just do 1 tiny little thing while I'm having my first cup of coffee. I use my Notes.app between my phone and mac, and I have a 'Daily & Affirmations' note that is pinned to the top of my list. In the 'Daily' section is a list of tiny tasks that need to be done that I've identified (I try to find these as I go through the day and throw them here so I can do something simple but useful the next morning.. setting my future self up for success). In the 'Affirmations' section I basically just remind myself that all of this is worth it. That living a life of freedom and peace is worth heroic effort. This is just a dragon that needs slaying (or whatever narrative works for you).

2. Chunk down. Again.. nothing ground breaking here.. but it works. Break big problems into small problems and small problems into smaller tasks. Then accept it may take me 2-3 weeks to get this all the way done.. but that progress builds and I get better and faster over time.. but even if I don't, that's ok. I'm making progress and that progress makes me feel better every day.

3. Hire people. You sound like you have some money now, maybe for the first time? If so, your stress is partly from the fact you are playing a bigger game but you are playing it according to rules of the small game you came from. Its time to update your game. Seriously, this isn't a trope. Find a good tax guy that responds to you in a timely manner. Hire a book keeper that will get all of your books in order and keep them that way. Hire a house keeper twice a month to clean your place. It really has a big impact on mental health. Money is a resource that you aren't using and its using you, to your detriment.

4. Sometimes more money isn't worth more stress. Brainstorm ways of getting some of your high stress money into lower stress areas and ACCEPT that you may end up with less money. If/when crypto makes new ATHs you'll probably kick yourself you didn't sell everything and buy more at the bottom.. and you'll forget just how incredibly miserable you were with what you did have at the bottom. Optimize for quality of life, not some number in a bank account.

FWIW I've been heavy in crypto since 2014 and haven't cashed out at any of the tops and rode them all the way down and all the way back up.. 3 times now. Fucking sucks ass to "lose" your entire net worth. Jesse Livermore was a famous billionaire solo trader in the 1930s and he had a phrase "sell to the sleeping point". Sell your shit down to the point you can sleep well at a night, anything more isn't worth any amount of money.