Sarcasm over, one of the funniest cycling stories i ever encountered. My work had a little low-key "bike club", a few guys cycling on warm evenings. One of the partners was a key member so over time non-bike guys started wiggling in for networking purposes.
One guy, with no clue how to ride, drops 2k++ on a full carbon bike, high end components etc. Cometh the first hill, and we find ourselves waiting at the top. 2 mins, 5 mins, finally 10-15 mins in one guy turns around to check up.
The carbon bike cyclist figured how to shift up, but didn't know how to shift down, and was trying desperately to climb in a downhill gear.