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0 pointskzrdude3y ago0 comments

on the topic of DiCaprio, this chart of his girlfriends was spread around recently https://old.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/azjti7/leo... and it's definitely interesting and weird at the same time. Judging just from this picture, it seems like he's not dating to find a life partner (which is what I imagine most want to do.. maybe just me?)

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gadders3y ago

I think one of the InCel theories is that top 1% men are hooking up with (say) 50% of women (and not looking for a long term partner), preventing those women (and the rest of the men) being able to find a long term partner.

I may have garbled this, but I think it is the gist of their theory.

cjbgkagh3y ago

Alpha widowing is a thing. Expectations get anchored at a high water mark so that dating most other men is a disappointment and a severe knock to their own self worth.

Ideally people would be realistic but women especially are being encouraged to want more. I think this mismatch of expectations is very damaging to society. I know a lot of alpha widowed women who are now going through a major crisis in middle age and I expect the problem to get much worse.

gadders3y ago

Yes, I think it can particularly be an issue if women want to have children one day (not saying they all should).

To find a guy you want to settle down with (and for you both to generate the required level of mutual trust) can take multiple years with no guarantee the relationship will endure.

LorenPechtel3y ago

I wasn't aware of the term but I fully agree about the expectation anchor problem. Dating apps just make it much easier to get one's expectations anchored too high.

LorenPechtel3y ago

While I doubt the 1%/50% ratio the basic problem is very real.

People are looking for the best they can attain and dating apps distort the impression of what one can attain. Just because you managed to go on a date with a 9 doesn't mean you can actually land a 9. This means someone just looking for sex and who is near the top in desirability will end up with a lot of sex. Since it's mostly men who are looking for just sex this results in a lot of women who want someone like that handsome guy that got away--not realizing that they were being used.

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gadders3y ago

I may have garbled this, but I think it is the gist of their theory.

cjbgkagh3y ago

Alpha widowing is a thing. Expectations get anchored at a high water mark so that dating most other men is a disappointment and a severe knock to their own self worth.

gadders3y ago

Yes, I think it can particularly be an issue if women want to have children one day (not saying they all should).

To find a guy you want to settle down with (and for you both to generate the required level of mutual trust) can take multiple years with no guarantee the relationship will endure.

LorenPechtel3y ago

I wasn't aware of the term but I fully agree about the expectation anchor problem. Dating apps just make it much easier to get one's expectations anchored too high.

LorenPechtel3y ago

While I doubt the 1%/50% ratio the basic problem is very real.

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