I managed my stateful sets/services for a while with terraform, but my experience was absolutely terrible and I have stopped that eventually. I now use "kubectl patch" and "kubectl apply" with handwritten yaml, but the workflow feels very clunky.
Intuitively it seems obvious to me that there must be a tool helping with that, but for some reason I was absolutely not able to find anything that would be even a little bit helpful. I am considering writing a couple python scripts that will automate it.