As I said, ignore the naysayers. Tell me, in what way is having (say) a Raspberry Pi running (e.g.) Debian on which you're free to install whatever you want - including something like Dokku or CapRover if you want to do the PaaS thing - an 'absurd' proposition? It sounds like a good suggestion to a question of this nature asked on a site called
Hacker News.
I will never understand this fear of self-hosting. To me it is absurd to insist on using third-party services when it is so incredibly easy to setup and maintain your own.