The communication strategy that saved our relationship is not to talk about what the other does or doesn't do, but instead talk about how some things make you feel. For example: "when there is a glass on the sink I feel like I'm feeling undervalued..." the other than needs to first acknowledge how the other feels "I hear that you feel undervalued..." before giving their argument.

It sounds very formulaic but it really helps to deescalate the situation. It's much more difficult to escalate a fight if your partner says they are hurting.