Ask HN: I lack foresight. How to cope?

Layperson here. If it's affecting your life this badly, then you should probably see a professional (read: psychiatrist) if you're able.

Executive dysfunction can have multiple causes ranging from ADHD to anxiety to dementia. The internet is pretty bad at diagnosing period, let alone based on limited or incomplete information.

That's why checklists were invented: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preflight_checklist

A previous girlfriend literally "simulated" every event and created what she called a "flight plan" that she memorized and followed. That seemed to me as a very neat algorithmic solution. I'm a programmer with bad memory but that solution has helped me with some tasks and keeping my job at large companies.

35 yrld swdev here.

I've dealt with this for as long as I recall, I can focus on the task at hand (if I don't randomly forget what I'm doing in the middle of it) but anything that came before or is coming in the future.. Very slight chance..

I'm not really coping with it though..

My "system" for getting things done in a not idiotic way is very slow, and very verbose and only works if I'm alone and undistracted.

1. List all the things I can remember I need to do (literally, open vim and type them in). 2. Prioritize the list (things that should be done first goes to top)

3. Group the list by things that can be done near each other (in space and time)

4. For each group, I try to imagine myself doing them, seeing if one should come before the next.

5. Get distracted by squirrel and forget about list for a while.

6. Try to imagine carrying objects to and from the tasks, can I carry it all, should I go twice? Do I need the same object for multiple tasks ? Can those tasks be done one after the other before putting away object?

7. Create checklist on my phone with the order.

8. Do the first thing on the list.

9. Forget I have the checklist, do something else

10. Suddenly remember I have the checklist and try doing the first thing again.. oh it was done, check it off and do the next.. Forget objects. It's a mess. Leave keys hanging in door for half the day.

The "simulation" part of my brain works pretty well on code, but it's terrible in almost all other areas, my "plans" are often to literally "go there, and look around until the idea of what to do next pops into my head".

I learned to play chess when I was twelve. It really taught me to think ahead. My teacher cut me zero slack and just slaughtered me mercilessly over and over again. Losing at chess repeatedly because you don’t stop to think a move or so ahead is just the right amount of painful to drill the practice into your head. I now cannot fathom failing to think ahead.

Also, drop the caffeine. It leads to scattered thinking.

Slow down, learn to meditate and cut yourself a bit of slack. Being angry with yourself just makes it worse.

If there’s something you can’t afford to forget or get wrong leave yourself a note or a checklist. I use checklists every day. (Because I think ahead but want to make sure I don’t forget)

ADHD? CTPST? I have a glitchy little neurological misconfiguration that stops me judging distances properly if I'm moving, and it very precisely stops me driving safely and basically has no other effect on my life.

It's worth checking for neurological stuff - are you dyslexic? Dyspraxic? How's working memory? Visual recall?

You may find that you've got a little bit of odd wiring, and the relevant field professionals may have some tips.

Your complaint is specific enough that I think it would be worth trying to narrow it down and check for a neurological cause. Like dyslexia, there may not be much that can be done about it, but you may discover you love audiobooks as a result of understanding the situation more clearly.

If I put eggs to boil or coffee in the Moka pot (~5 minutes), I'll forget to check back about 50% of the times.

In this specific case, though, I no longer waste time feeling dumb - as soon as I change rooms its over.

I just ALWAYS set a timer on my phone [1]. And then, most times, I get a surprise when it rings and think "yeah, I totally forgot about that". I probably found some interesting video on Youtube or HN link...

And I thank past me for not taxing future me with remembering those simple things.

[1] Actually a "Quick alarm" on "Alarm Clock Xtreme"

You aren't "modelling the world." You're trying to substitute some quick logic, instead, which just doesn't work for the vast majority of real world problems. You have to imagine yourself in the future to get the right answer, but you won't. Why do people avoid this?

In my experience, because anxiety. A little quick logic doesn't bring up emotions in anything like the way literally putting yourself into imagined scenarios and walk-throughs does, particularly ones where everything doesn't go right. I share this in some ways, due to a nasty childhood; but I have a friend who has racked up a lifetime of very bad decisions from bad marriages to dead pets, which continue on every month, every day 'cause there's no way in hell she's gonna imagine nuttin', never. Needless to say, her childhood was probably nastier than mine.

A few months ago, when I delivered a radiant heater to her apartment when she had COVID-19, she spoke to me, thanking me from just behind the door right as I put the heater in front of her door just a foot away, with windows open in her apartment blowing air out around the door. Goodbye to a couple weeks for me. Logic, no visual imagination or other simulation 'cause it made her too anxious. She literally didn't grok that I was inches away or could be. Just used some logic about politeness. I was stunned she was within 10 feet of that door. I never would have been. I use my visual imagination in life and death situations, at least; and I'm slowly expanding how much I'm willing to use it.

See ffggh and "simulation," here. Same point, but they said it quicker.

As you get older, your ability to remember things diminishes. On top of that, you will likely get more busy as you take on more and more responsibilities. I think you haven't hit rock bottom yet to say "i don't want to fucking feel this way anymore". I think it's quite possible you're okay with forgetting things and you are probably quite tolerant of the negative consequences. Eventually you will hate your life enough to make a change. The required change isn't complex: make a plan, write it down, follow it, iterate. but what i suspect is that you lack the will to do anything about it. You need to reflect on who you really want to be. no hack is going to change your will to live differently.

It’s a matter of age, it’ll get better.

I used to go to the airport on wrong days. i used to forget things when grocery shopping even though I had a list in my hands. I can’t seem to remember how many kids my sister has (she has two). And at the same time I can recall a lot of useless crap like the code for the lockbox of an airbnb I have been to in 2015.

Just realizing you’re like this is half the work. Then you’ll just start double checking everything, and when that’s not enough (cause it won’t), then you’ll triple check.

It’s ok, I like to think that it’s a side effect of being a creative person :-)

Try to stop thinking too much. There is a book called "The Power of Now". You live at this moment, you only need to care about this moment. You moved the box to the car, it's fine. You don't need that thing at this moment. When you need it, just go get it.

I know it will sound like old school.

If you knew you needed it, you had foresight. You were just not paying close enough attention to what you were doing. Perhaps you need to slow down?

Is this an actual issue? Is it possible you are just being too harsh on yourself?

Here's the simplest solution: Write things down