undefined | Better HN

0 pointsnotacoward4y ago0 comments

> It honestly does seem far better for everyone if people have children in their 20s.

There are lots of tradeoffs. On the one hand yes, maybe it means the kids will be out of the house before you start having to deal with parents. On the other hand it's quite likely to be bad financially, as in many cases you'll be down to one income and slower growth in that income during those critical 20s and 30s. That can leave you a bit strapped when you have to pay for college costs and parental-care costs and eventually your own retirement. I had my daughter at 39 and retired at 55. Without that last 10 years of income from my wife and rapid income growth for me, plus the magic of compound interest, I'm pretty sure I'd still be working and none of us would be any happier for it.

It's all very personal, obviously, which is precisely why I don't think one can (or should) generalize about an ideal age to have children.

0 comments

3 comments · 1 top-level

globular-toast4y ago· 2 in thread

The negatives are all constructed by the financial system, though. People need two incomes because everyone else has two incomes (two incomes are also usually more tax efficient than one big one). Why aren't people financially stable in their 20s? They're literally in the prime of their lives. Much less likely to fall ill etc. Essentially everyone has to delay their lives until later because everyone else is delaying their lives until later. There are no benefits I'm aware of with having children later (outside of the financial stuff) but there are many, many downsides.

notacowardOP4y ago

> The negatives are all constructed by the financial system

There are two answers to that.

(a) So what? Financial realities are still realities, and impose yet other realities on those who live them. And those realities are not going to change in any conceivable short or medium time frame.

(b) It's not all financial. Time, energy, maturity are all factors too. I happen to believe the vast majority of 20-somethings are not mature enough to be responsible for another person (barely enough so to be responsible for themselves) but I don't turn that into an edict for others. When I had to help my daughter with something recently it was that decade-plus of extra life experience - not money - that turned out to be most helpful. The list goes on.

If you want to claim that the 20s are the ideal time for anyone to have children, you have to prove it. It's not sufficient to say that "you don't see it" when that could just be a reflection of your own limited circumstances or perspective. The reality is that having kids later works very well for some people. Accept that they're not you.

pkrotich4y ago

I’ll concur to a point on financials - but older generation got married at 19 and had stable families, so it’s not truly about responsibilities.

I think the idea of career first is a bigger factor and also we now live in a false “construct” of true love and everyone is waiting on or looking ideal mate.

1 more reply

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse