And how is "google accidentally bans your account" and "you lose your private key" comparable anyway? In the first case, it isn't under your control, but under the control of some large organization, and in the second case it is because you messed up.

In addition, there are mechanisms being worked on (often in the context of on-blockchain stuff, but I don't see this as fundamentally necessary to it) for facilitating like, "I trust these people to authenticate whether someone is me, in the case that I lose my private key", in order to establish that a new key still corresponds to the same person.

Like, I'm less enthusiastic about this kind of thing than I have been in the past (and I've never spent money on it), but your criticism doesn't seem to be engaging in the ideas really.