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0 pointscryptica4y ago0 comments

One person tells me my problem is that I might be an asshole and you tell me my problem might be that I'm too nice... Why is it so far fetched to suggest that maybe the problem is not me? What if the problem is that most people in power have impostor syndrome and they feel jealous and/or guilty when they see a competent person who didn't achieve as much as they did. It makes them doubt their own success narrative. People don't want to be reminded how lucky they are; as an employee, I would be a walking reminder of that. That's the best explanation I can come up with to explain my experience in recent years why I struggle to find opportunities. I had many more opportunities 5 years ago back when I was far less skilled.

CTO types wants to be mentors to starry-eyed juniors, they don't want to improve themselves anymore, they think they're already as good as they can be, they don't want to be schooled by some low rank person.

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CRConrad4y ago

> One person tells me my problem is that I might be an asshole and you tell me my problem might be that I'm too nice...

No, what the GP actually said was

>> I wonder if you suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome.

That's not the same thing. Because sufferers from Nice Guy Syndrome only actually think they're being "nice", but they're being so in ways or from motives that actually make them, in practice, assholes. (Sorry if that's a distortion or oversimplification of the book GP suggested; I recently skimmed through it, but didn't actually get to read the whole thing.)

> Why is it so far fetched to suggest that maybe the problem is not me?

Because usually, when one person has trouble with everyone else, and goes "What's wrong with all of them?!?", Ockham's Razor suggests the simpler hypothesis, "Maybe there's something wrong with you?", lies nearer to hand.

All in all, I'd suggest you try to get that book and read it more thoroughly than I did. (And so should I.)

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