The Missing Missing Reasons (opens in new tab)

Most people and parents are harassers not knowing they are harassers. Most parent treat their child as a possession as well, being the root of abusive behaviours. All of those things are difficult to explain for the average person and difficult to listen to and understand for the average parent.

Harassement and abusive behaviours are a way bigger problem that people think it is. My opinion is that more than 50% of people at least are harassers and abusers to a degree or another. This is just how society used to work not long ago and since the dawn of mankind.

What can be done is teaching kids what harassment and abusive behaviours are. Most people think their behaviours are normal. My mom who has a relatively high education speaks to me in a completely abusive way. As do my father who has 2 engineering degrees.

I've seen this before, it's a not uncommon link to see thrown around any time someone wants to accuse someone of being disingenuous of the reason for someone else's anger or resentment.

Although even the piece notes that sometimes people are just shitty, sometimes the reason isn't that the estranged did something wrong. And in that case, the estranged could genuinely not know.

And that those who know don't hang around forums like the ones mentioned because they aren't helpful. If you know why someone is estranged from you and you can articulate those reasons, you go to a place that deals with those reasons.

Although I'm curious what prompted you to post this.

I imagine that if you're on these forums and you, first, don't recognize your own shortcomings; don't understand or care about how you've emotionally affected those around you; always assume you're the victim even when you're in a position of authority and care; and refuse to acknowledge or accept the other person's point of view - then this is not just a defense mechanism against online criticism, but the actual reason you've become estranged from your children. This is kind of obvious to me, but at the same time parents really do seem to blame their kids, as if it was god who gave them rotten ones instead of accepting the responsibility for making them in the first place.

Think you of the fact that a deaf person cannot hear. Then, what deafness may we not all possess? What senses do we lack that we cannot see and cannot hear another world all around us?

Frank Herbert

Maybe they're not there for enlightment, but to vent and to support others who vent.

Similar phenomenon exists about other relationships with issues - marital, employees, siblings, friends.

Sometimes people talk about them and the stories sound similar. No details, hints or missing reasons, other parties acting completely oddly out of nowhere.

I've been robbed! Twice! I went to this wedding and the money we collected for the lucky couple was stolen, can you believe it? *Really?* We put the money on a debit card and the code for the debit card was a secret message on a nice video we made for the couple. *How?* Everyone said something one the video with a number. How clever, then how was it stolen? We send the debit card together with a usb stick and a basket with other gift like hard liquor via the post to the couple. Guess what? *What?* The packet arrived but the usb and debit card where missing. *The debit card and usb are missing?* Yes, those sneaky bastards at the post office only took that and left the vodka, those criminals just know what to get away with. *Who send the package?* Me, I'm going to the police this afternoon the file a report. Hopefully the couple in not too angry at us, like what can we do. *Nothing I guess, you said you where robbed twice?* Yes this morning I noticed my electrified cargo bike is gone. *What a coincidence, you really are unlucky.*