Hi, NSA rep here: All of us were disappointed you stayed in that job after writing that. You really could have done better.
And a few other things:
1) The front left tire on your car is about 6 psi too low
2) Not to worry you but we really think you should get your heart looked at: our listening devices heard something a bit irregular
3) the math homework you lost that time in 3rd grade was actually stolen by the kid sitting next to you who turned it in as his own. He got a gold star on it. But he's also now a janitor, so karma came through on that (usually it doesn't: the wicked go unpunished, speaking from our own experience on that)
Oh, and as a one-time freebie, next time you lose your keys just pickup any phone or speak into any smart home device, say your SS# and "keys please" and we'll let you know where they are.