If the US dollar ends up hyperinflating, assets like gold, bitcoin, stocks, housing, etc. become very, very expensive. They become expensive because everyone seeks to escape USD into safety of assets that are inflation resistant.

So you have it backwards: people will give EVERYTHING of value to get those assets, because those are the only things they want to be paid in. They are the only things capable of storing value.

Its funny you think nobody will want to trade for "stupid worthless ones and zeroes", because today they trade for "stupid worthless paper with President's faces printed on them", and before that, they traded for "stupid worthless shiny yellow rocks".