90% of people who say they'll get a lawyer involved never do (the kind of people who get lawyers involved, start with a letter from their lawyer).

That's not to say you don't need to change your name/logo, if it really is confusingly similar to someone else in the same industry (if they're not in the same industry, trademark doesn't apply). If there is a problem there, you'd want to remedy it. But, trademarks are pretty specific. If the guy is claiming a trademark on a generic word, you can probably safely ignore him (i.e. if I claim "Joe's Soda", and someone else makes "Sam's Soda", I don't have a case against them...but if someone made "Joe's Cola" I probably would). Also, if you both do business regionally rather than nationally, and he is not in your region, he probably doesn't have a case (though if he has a USPTO trademark and has more than one location, he might, anyway).

As you've learned, it's much better to figure this stuff out before you invest in printing and logos and such.

Yes, he's saying wait for an official C&D. When the other business owner said that approaching by phone first has been more pleasant, he actually means it has been cheaper (for him).

Are you in the same business domain as they are?

IIRC the way trademarks work is that they are issued for use in specific application area. A business that is using Xyz for a bakery does not violate an Xyz trademark of, say, a welding shop.

So the trademark owner doesn't own the .COM domain. I suppose they are not in tech? Perhaps you can offer to link to their website (e.g. if you were looking for Paint LLC, go to here). Otherwise, a change of name is not a big issue, even big companies do it.

The other thing is that there were even two Apples in the world, just doing different businesses.