You're overthinking it. First, what I wrote was not an absolute. Second, if you feel like a failure because you tried something challenging and failed, and couldn't be bothered to try again, you need psychiatric help. I don't mean that flippantly, you really need help. Giving up on something challenging because you fail once is not at all healthy. Very few people succeed on their first try at challenging, skilled activities.
You don't need a cool and serene mind. That's an extreme that most people don't get to. But you also don't need to be filled with anger and self-hatred and depression. It's perfectly feasible, and most healthy people are in this range emotionally, to be somewhere between a zen master and a raging, depressed Hulk.
Some people learn from their own mistakes, some people learn from mistakes made in a live performance (or at a critical juncture), some people learn from mistakes in practice, some people learn from mistakes by just imagining the possibility, some learn from the failings of others. Healthy people do all of those things, with an objective of avoiding failure in the live moment. But you can't just study successes because it's never enough.