So don't try to put any formula in my mouth. I explicitly said I had none!
(It's like porn: "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it.")
Most people would say that George W Bush deceived us into invading Iraq. Had he found a few nukes lying around, would that still have been unethical? A lot of people who think his actions were unethical now would probably not if the results were different, even though nothing was known at the time he did it.
In the case of the mom, the prospects for long term harm are minimal and the potential for long term benefit are pretty good. In the case of taking a country to war, there's always a whole lot of potential for long term harm.
Most people get highly offended if you suggest that their political stances are nothing more than a series of gut reactions.
