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0 pointskayodelycaon5y ago0 comments

The “hard work is what matters” method really falls apart when child can’t meet the expectations of the parent and the parent believes this is due to the child not “working hard”.

I’ve seen this happen to again and again to friends and people in my support group.

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sanderjd5y ago· 2 in thread

You're saying that the parent claims that hard work is what matters, but secretly has other expectations they aren't expressing to their child? Yeah, that definitely sounds like a failure mode to be aware of and avoid.

kayodelycaonOP5y ago

Well. I was expected to be able to do my homework, get good grades, and not get in trouble in school. I was “smart but didn’t apply myself”.

ADHD wasn’t an excuse to “not try”.

At school I got told I could do these things and just needed to “believe in myself” and I wasn’t trying to do that either.

sanderjd5y ago

I honestly don't understand what your comment has to do with what I'm talking about...

Doing homework is not necessary to get good grades - I personally took a lot of pride in optimizing for the smallest amount of homework I could do while still getting good grades - but it is necessary to do homework in order to be working hard at school. (I think not getting in trouble is important but orthogonal to this conversation about whether to value work or outcomes.)

I don't see how valuing hard work is an excuse to "not try" due to ADHD. I think it's the opposite? Trying is the requirement.

I think maybe I don't understand your comment at all. Sorry about that.

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