Just something to consider - not saying that's the case with you, but this is a classic area where immediate or obvious reactions are often very different from inward feeling.
It's only blown up once.
I suppose it is possible that everyone i know secretly resents it and gossips behind my back about my creepy touchy feeliness but I don't think so. Indeed, they reciprocate, which would be pretty counterproductive if they actually wanted me to stop.
It would be a lot easier to parse if we hadn't collectively decided that emoticons were rendered passé through misuse.
If you touched my elbow I'd probably just walk away (as an american raised male it just seems so wrong).
It would probably be different though if it wasn't someone who I just met and had an accord with.
Depending on the exact situation, the kind of touching discussed here would result in either me flinching/pulling away, or being less subtle in my expression of dislike, in a strong Glaswegian accent.
For your own safety . . .
(Back)
. . . don't touch anything on this side without permission.
(Lower back)
And if you're reading this and not a kid, pick yourself up and reread the above. Have a nice day.
Thinking rationally, being shy about our bodies doesn't really make sense -- are there any logical reasons why nudity isn't ok?
Proximity to an unshielded nudity core can have that effect.
(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081249/ -- safe for work)
I always heard in Mexico that German people were very cold and dry. When I visited north Germany about 4 years ago, I was introduced to my aunt's mother-in-law, and as I'm accustomed I went right up to her, gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Well her reaction amused me, she got in a very cheerful mood and I got an extra spoonful of food at the table. :)
I mean, I don't speak a word of Gaelic or Shawnee.
An ancillary point that I've noticed over the years is the relative unpopularity of open social/discussion sites in the UK compared to the US. The UK is Facebook mad, of course, but doesn't really have a locally popular equivalent of Reddit, Hacker News, Digg, MetaFilter, etc. I wonder if the reduced desire to converse with random people has an effect in this scope too.
The odd part is that I've noticed myself feeling suddenly shy and self-conscious upon meeting other British people here.
Of course, maybe it's just me talking to everyone regardless of the norms, but people respond very well.
There are plenty of UK people who read these. I expect the reason there aren't any popular UK-specific equivalents is simply that most English-speaking people on the net aren't from the UK, so any English-language site is likely to be dominated by non-UK people (unless its content is UK-specific).
Also: don't confuse London's relative hostility with the rest of the UK. The north is especially friendly and welcoming. Much more so, than say, New York.
Americans are just incredibly friendly compared to Europeans (at least on aggregates).
Watch for Brits asking each other for directions, or for the time, even in plain view of a clock tower. It's sweet in a repressed kind of way.
If not, are you from the US?
Do you have a particular accent?
That aside, I prefer written US English as a "standardized" form of English in any case. British English feels a little parochial nowadays with the Internet as it is. I shall put my flame-proof suit on now..
People here go from repressed up the wazoo to open and friendly as anything. Being in my early 20's, this is what I've seen all my life.
Claiming Britons don't like to be touched is wholly misleading as I hugged most of my friends, even my guy friends. Girls didn't avoid touching you. Put it this way, for a term of English origin, I had no clue what cooties was nor had I heard it mentioned growing up from anyone. It took me associating with Americans and Canadians to even hear the word.
On this topic, I've noticed that North America is seemingly the only country with a sociopathy over touch. Back in Yorkshire I remember getting served at bars and convenience stores and people would slap change into your hand frivolously. Here in Ontario there's this anal-retentive dance that people try to give you change but refuse to touch you to actually give you the damn change. They'll try to slot the note into your hand and drop the change from like 4 inches, it's psyco-level bizarre.
I guess this is the difference when you grow up in an area with a history of mining, fishing and farming. People aren't afraid of touch.
Yet somehow, nobody covers their mouth when they cough!
It varies hugely depending on context, even in London. For example my main group of friends in London is unusually tactile (for anywhere in the world). A kiss on the forehead, a slap on the arse, a hug for no particular reason in a completely asexual, gender- and orientation-nonspecific is completely normal[1]. There is no frickin' way I'd extrapolate from that to any other friends groups, let alone work colleagues, anywhere in the world.
[1] I have a theory that it's because we're all incredibly dysfunctional and run each other on the same code paths we'd use for cats.
So it's never too late.
I wonder if things have changed or if it was a regional difference. I was in Shenyang at the time.
What I meant before was when the boy was still chasing the girl...! Apologies for the confusion :P.
Among men, anyway. Women have different rules.
[0] Mike Arrington being an exception. http://techcrunch.com/2009/05/09/hand-shaking-is-so-medieval...
For example (http://wikitravel.org/en/Britain#Respect):
Allow some personal space between you and others in queues and elsewhere.
You will usually find this in such places as cinemas. Generally, unless
people know each other, you will find they will usually choose to fill up
every row of seating and keep as much distance of possible until there is
a requirement to sit directly next to each other. Exceptions are in very
crowded situations where this is impossible, like on the Tube.A wiki on cultural differences is a really good idea, though.
If she's a gf/wife/friend of a friend, I'm not about to enter into a business negotiation with this woman, so why shake hands.
I grew up and was taught this method when shaking a lady's hands, and to have a firm, dry, handshake with men (as a judge of character).
I know it sounds silly, but it's built in to me now and I'll walk away from meetings thinking about the handshakes of the people in the room as much as the content of the discussion.
If Simon Kuper (a Brit, though one with a sheltered upbringing it seems) thinks Brits are reserved and prudish, I suggest he visits Glasgow, Newcastle or indeed any city on a Friday or Saturday night. I dare say he might witness similar revelations if he were to explore other cultures further, rather than drawing on boring clichés.
Definitely not "reserved" and "prudish", if you ask me... but I've never been there, so I don't know how far this is from the truth.
In the UK, you can walk into a pub and talk to people, providing you're not interrupting a discussion, or forcing yourself on the people in the group. It's easier if you're on your own or with one other person to join an existing group, or talk to an individual, but it's not common. You don't make eye contact on the tube in London, but you can talk to people in general outside of London, and especially up north people are more approachable. Do not touch (beyond a handshake at most), unless you're very familiar and there's a high volume of foreigners in the group.
In Turkey (and these are observations as an Englishman so I might be interpreting this wrong), people are extremely friendly and nosy by comparison. Turks are incredibly physical in social groups and don't really have a concept of personal space. In Istanbul women and men intermingle in some social classes and circumstances but not others. A kiss on each side of the cheek is expected when the opposite sex is involved provided you've met before. Don't be surprised if women put their arms around you, tell them their cold and want you to hug them etc. if you're in a social secular group. In more religious or formal groups, things are more separate - men will still hug each other all the time and put arms round each other but women are never touched (unless they're related or married, and not generally in public). When you go out to the country it really varies from community to community and the local culture. The further east the less intermingling with the sexes, but guys are still generally friendly with each other.
The biggest differences between the UK and Turkey are in going out. Turks... good god, Istanbul Turks... You go out around 8-10pm and don't come in till 5am. Getting drunk is a bit socially inappropriate (in most groups) but the party goes on all night.
In the UK, the party normally goes on till about midnight/2am outside, then occasionally continues back at someone's house, but will start between 5 and 8pm. In the UK, getting drunk is not only socially acceptable but expected. Unsurprisingly as the drinking continues, social rules about touching start to unravel.
TL:DR - It's bloody complicated in England, and changes from group to group in Turkey. Grrrrrrr!!!!
Also central Anatolia is an incredible place.
The only times I've really seen this is with upper/upper-middle class - ladies-wot-lunch and all that - and at some schools. Generally it's only been women kissing.
The only people I cheek-kiss outside the family are close personal friends and even then only a few and it's not a measure of closeness or strength of friendship (strangely).
I can imagine it's common in some areas of the South?
This is so true. There are 3 types of hugs: the sideways hug (as the author mentions), the "A" hug where just the tops of the bodies meet, and the full on bear hug. If you get an "A" hug after a date, that's not a good sign. ;-)
I consciously try to be helpful with visiting tourists and suggest fun places to visit in our area. Even though I would prefer to carry a sidearm in the wilderness because of mountain lions, etc., I don't because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable: I think that people from most European countries aren't used to seeing people carry guns.
Here in the USA, we do seem to have interesting behavior regarding hugging friends of the opposite sex vs. same sex. At least in our circle of friends, men almost always hug friends' wives in greeting but we only hug each other on birthdays, after especially good dinner parties, etc. - mostly special occasions.
When I listened to talk radio in South Africa years ago, I remember white people calling in, and wondering why the automatic response to the phrase "hello" was often "I'm fine thanks and you".
Also, I've had people talk to me on the bus, in the queue in Tesco, etc. Quite unusual to me as well.
Isn't that true of most places?