I am also confused why you're complaining about the job model and all its churn and conceptual problems when the whole point is that systemd was offering to handle that for the distros, which is exactly what they did and are continuing to do now. You can claim they are doing a bad job (which is probably true in some sense because of the impossibly large scope of the task) but the previous alternative was that nothing was being done about it at all. Which you did acknowledge, but then you went back to the same criticism as before. Why? It seems obvious to me that the gritty technical aspects and/or perceptions and fears about some kind of false dichotomy are not what could have ever influenced this kind of decision. Nobody else is invested enough in it for that to have happened.
The other reality I've seen is that there is no standard way to actually implement a daemon. Nobody does it in quite the same way and using things like daemon(3) don't help. So you can choose to A. patch all your daemons, or B. you can attempt to simplify the task by writing more tooling. Every single Linux distro I've seen, when given the choice, has chosen option B. So really, I don't see anything here that is surprising or farcical at all.