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0 pointsjrochkind16y ago0 comments

In that second passage, I like that Hochschild tried to be clear, she is not blaming these (mostly women) for finding that burdensome, she's saying we should ask "What is up with our society that things that ought to be enjoyable time with and caring for family, expression of love have become burdensome and alienating"? And And, the unsaid next step, what can be done?

> I’m not just saying, “Oh, how terrible to think making a magical experience is alienated work.” I’m saying, “Well, why has it become alienated work?” The solution is not for men and women to share alienated work. The solution is for men and women to share enchanted work. These are expressions of love.

Why is it our personal family life seems like a job?

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4 comments · 2 top-level

watwut6y ago· 2 in thread

I do not think it is a job, but yes, a lot of it are chores. Sometimes you derive pleasure from it, but other times you are just tired, hungry, without idea, the store is overcrowded with nervous people (particularly around christmas) the kid does not want anything and you really really just want to go home watch a movie or read pointless hacker news.

The romanticism of "enchanted work" and "making a magical experience for your very own children" is not realistic expectation. You don't have those magical feelings around activities and duties that happen with regularity. First, second time yes, eleventh time less so. Plis while the kids enjoy gifts, they are not really magical to them. Especially around christmas, they get more toys then they are able to play with.

And it really seems to me that those who romanticise child caring familly activities the most are either the ones engaged in them the least or the ones having ideological reasons. Stay at home mothers with no hobbies and whose life's centers children to the point of excusing everything else are the least romantic and the most pragmatic/mundane about it all - even as their only topic is the kid.

jrochkind1OP6y ago

So, I think maybe you're actually confusing the thing Hochschild is trying to distinguish.

It might seem like a chore in various ways, on the 11th time etc. It might not be super fun or your favorite activity in the world. You might be tired and rather be taking a nap.

But it shouldn't be emotionally difficult to do routine caring things for your family. And it shouldn't require you to pretend or force yourself to have emotions other than you have. That is, Hochschild's definition of "emotional labor". It shouldn't be "alienating".

watwut6y ago

I think I do understand it well. A family is not a magical space where you suddenly cease to be human, where you own emotional needs and states suddenly don't matter due to other people needing something.

The caring work is a work that requires you to force yourself (or manipulate) or pretend emotions no matter what context. That is just what it is, that is inherent part in it.

And when you are being tired, made passive by daily routine, want a nap, have stress, that is when it becomes even more difficult to be emotionally in that supposed magic space. Or at least, it is not automatic.

brippalcharrid6y ago

A lot of things in western[ized] societies have become professionalized over the last few decades, and are now taxed and regulated. Caring for small children is one of the biggest example of this.

It's no wonder that many people see caring for their children as just another job when it's something that is increasingly contracted out to third parties, and children's expectations are no doubt being shaped as consumers of a pasteurized, homogenized service that's delivered by graduates and subject to metrics and KPIs. I wouldn't be surprised if these sentiments, exacerbated by feelings of guilt (eg. overcompensation for perceived neglect), were to spill out into the rest of family life.

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