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0 pointsjosephg6y ago0 comments

Did he refuse to help write cards, or refuse to help talk to his mother on her behalf? I wasn't clear above, and I don't think the original poster of that story was clear in her rant in the article either.

Maybe she asked for help and meant that she wanted his support with his mother. But he thought she wanted him to write cards and refused to help on that basis. So now she's really mad at her husband over a simple misunderstanding.

It sounds really silly, but this sort of thing is obnoxiously common in practice. And again, good communication skills really matter in these sort of situations.

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watwut6y ago· 1 in thread

You all are operating on the assumption that people listen to what one says, but while some do, many many don't. The "just talk with them" school of argument works in some situations, but requires listening. Especially when dealing with people who feel themselves entitled to something it does not work.

In particular, old people are very unlikely to change their ways no matter how much you talk about it. Also, people who dont have same experience are way more likely to not care about issues they never lived through. Also, people for whom not understanding is more comfortable have easier time to not understand.

josephgOP6y ago

I’m operating on the assumption that the capacity to listen is a malleable skill, not a fixed trait. It’s certainly something I’ve improved in myself, through great effort and to great effect.

I agree with you though - plenty of people apparently have no interest in learning to listen and communicate clearly. It’s a self reinforcing belief - if you believe yourself unable to change, you won’t. Still, it seems much more pragmatic to fight for communication skills, rather than hoping we can magic away gender differences and somehow hope that will make our relationships more healthy in turn. Spoilers: Gay couples still have stupid arguments.