I wish you realized how big and thick of a bubble you live in, and how your thinking is so heavily influenced by it.
My humble advice to you and your team is to spend more time with real people, with real problems. Or perhaps people from other parts of the world, that haven't been brainwashed by the Silicon Valley jargon just yet.
I'm rooting for you, believe me. It's just hard to read or hear certain things and not roll my eyes up.