Navigating consent is a skill. Skills take practice. Can you intend to be respectful and still fail? Yes, absolutely. Just like any social skill, if you've not practiced it you run the risk of making yourself an outsider.

My general thesis is that we're expecting men to be more practiced at this skill these days. Some men balk at this, some men were poorly prepared for this and struggle with a lack of proficiency in navigating consent. (To be clear, I believe there are women and gender minorities who fail to learn this skill as well, but the context of this conversation is about men this far.)

The problem arises, I think, because most of us are taught a set of social skills pretty early - sharing, listening, etc. But we didn't start teaching the skill of consent very well until recently, and it's folks like us who were kids awhile ago who are left trying to pick up a new skill that people expect us to have.

It's bloody difficult to learn a new skill when the consequence for failure is risking becoming a pariah.