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0 pointsbarry-cotter7y ago0 comments

I suggest asking some girls out. I had social anxiety and the kind of social skills that lead to an Asperger’s diagnosis and I had more romantic experience than you by the time I was 18.

The chances of a girl being offended by being asked out are relatively low in any case; most people are nice. They’re really, really low if you’re attractive. When an ugly, charmless or poor man asks out a certain kind of girl they’re offended not just at having been asked out, but that the thought even occurred. Most girls aren’t like that. They’ll deflect the question or say that they’re busy and make no effort to reschedule.

My email is in my profile for anyone who has similar problems.

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13 comments · 4 top-level

mellow-lake-day7y ago· 4 in thread

Or just use dating apps. The intent is established up front and because of that there is less emphasis on threading social norms.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

Dating apps are soul crushing seas of rejection, like dating in general, but worse because you feel like you’re trying when you’re playing with your phone. Given the choice between a mixed sex social activity once a month and dating apps you’re probably better off with the first.

geoka97y ago

> like dating in general, but worse

In my opinion, yes and no. With dating apps it's only as soul crushing as you let it be. If the person online is not interested, s/he just ignores your message. A rejection in real life, on the other hand, can really sting. Multiple rejections can turn you off trying for good. And they are likely to happen, before you meet someone with whom you hit it off.

I highly recommend trying dating apps, especially if you're not a social butterfly. Just don't take it personally when you get no reply. And be patient, it'll probably take a while to find a good match (just like it would IRL).

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Mirioron7y ago

It's pretty discussing to look at dating app data about how women rate 80% of men as below average in attractiveness.[0] Men also get far fewer responses on dating apps.

[0] https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

masonic7y ago

Have you bothered to look at the access privileges any given dating app must be granted? Precise location, all contacts, calendar, etc. etc. Use websites, not apps.

theparanoid7y ago· 2 in thread

  The chances of a girl being offended by being asked out are relatively low in any case;

Girls are not nice to unattractive men.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

I know but they’re not going to hound you out of the bar, at worst they’ll say something mean and the interaction will be over. Also, become more attractive. Getting fit, dressing better and getting better posture or more confidence are available to most everyone healthy.

Mirioron7y ago

I don't think you understand. The problem isn't being hounded out of the bar, the problem starts with not being in the bar in the first place. Why go there if all you're going to face is rejection or worse? It's not exactly an exciting place to be and it saps your money. It's easier and safer to stay home, watch porn, and play video games.

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TazeTSchnitzel7y ago· 2 in thread

It's not about attractiveness. If a colleague “asks me out” in a work setting unsolicited I'm not more comfortable if they're “attractive”.

This sounds like a scare-story men who feel inadequate like to tell themselves.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

If that’s true I’m happy for you. I suggest observing the behaviour of other women to see how they react to similar behaviour from men of different levels of attractiveness. Whether it’s height, fat or just facial symmetry more attractive people, men and women, get away with more in life and go further, faster.

If I said the average man would sooner marry a penniless single mother of three who looked like a super model to an ugly woman with a nice personality would you find it similarly unbelievable?

TazeTSchnitzel7y ago

There is much more to an interaction than someone's appearance. Perhaps “unattractive” men have worse social skills, or are are failing to signal they are not a threat.

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feministincel7y ago· 1 in thread

Well I’m not exactly attractive either :) Honestly, putting myself in the type of women I’m most intrigued by i wouldn’t put up with myself.

The closest I got was when I chatted up a girl on a train, but just couldn’t tell if she was just being super polite. Although I did end up getting her LinkedIn... I guess I’m not smooth either.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

If you’re not attractive become attractive. If you’re not the kind of person you’d put up with change, become better. If you’re not smooth or confident work on them, they’re learnable skills. Don’t be yourself, that’s a crock of shit those born on third base say, work on becoming better, on becoming someone you respect and who you think is worth dating.

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13 comments · 4 top-level

mellow-lake-day7y ago· 4 in thread

Or just use dating apps. The intent is established up front and because of that there is less emphasis on threading social norms.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

geoka97y ago

> like dating in general, but worse

1 more reply

Mirioron7y ago

It's pretty discussing to look at dating app data about how women rate 80% of men as below average in attractiveness.[0] Men also get far fewer responses on dating apps.

[0] https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

masonic7y ago

Have you bothered to look at the access privileges any given dating app must be granted? Precise location, all contacts, calendar, etc. etc. Use websites, not apps.

theparanoid7y ago· 2 in thread

  The chances of a girl being offended by being asked out are relatively low in any case;

Girls are not nice to unattractive men.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

Mirioron7y ago

1 more reply

TazeTSchnitzel7y ago· 2 in thread

It's not about attractiveness. If a colleague “asks me out” in a work setting unsolicited I'm not more comfortable if they're “attractive”.

This sounds like a scare-story men who feel inadequate like to tell themselves.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

If I said the average man would sooner marry a penniless single mother of three who looked like a super model to an ugly woman with a nice personality would you find it similarly unbelievable?

TazeTSchnitzel7y ago

There is much more to an interaction than someone's appearance. Perhaps “unattractive” men have worse social skills, or are are failing to signal they are not a threat.

1 more reply

feministincel7y ago· 1 in thread

Well I’m not exactly attractive either :) Honestly, putting myself in the type of women I’m most intrigued by i wouldn’t put up with myself.

The closest I got was when I chatted up a girl on a train, but just couldn’t tell if she was just being super polite. Although I did end up getting her LinkedIn... I guess I’m not smooth either.

barry-cotterOP7y ago

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse