I do not want to turn away from this ecosystem for now mostly because I want to learn how to survive in such a political environment, and partly because if this modernization project gets delivered whenever it is, it will be a very good learning experience for me.
While official and unofficial mentorship is an option from inside the companies, I am not sure if I can cover softer issues like dealing with certain individuals in the mentorship session.
So, I wanted to ask you guys how can I find and approach an effective career coach or a mentor (potentially outside of my company). Any suggestions are more than welcome.
Thanks.
1. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17511850 2. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17510670
I worked in some very awful environments. My solution was historically to participate in what was going on and the ultimately become very upset and leave. Generally speaking, conflict is present everywhere but far worse in some environments and not possible to save.
You can either (a)attempt to clean the mess and make your new environment habitable or (b) keep your head down, ship your project and leave.
Your intent to do (a) is admirable and rare. If the culture has become toxic, attempting to survive is kind of like being a fish in a dirty fish tank. You can gasp for air and breathe your own poop in for some period of time but you are ultimately poisoning yourself by staying and the point of doing this isn’t clear.
The economy is currently at full employment. In this situation I would most advice getting out. You are never going to have an easier time finding a better paying job someplace else. Chances are we are headed into some sort of financial meltdown due to China, trade war, China retaliating against the United States tech sector, one or more countries leaving the Euro and the final deflation of our current bubble due to lack of interest rates.
If you don’t like where you are, it may become much harder to find a better job in the next year in which case - You get to breathe in your own poop for several years for no real gain to your own mental health.
If you are really sticking to it and mastering communication, psychology, politics and persuasion I recommend:
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss
The Political Brain by Drew Weston
Influence by Robert Cialdini
Words That Work by Frank Luntz
Pre-Suasion by Robert Cialdini
Win Bigly by Scott Adams
Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton
I just bought this book but haven’t yet read it -
Radical Candor by Kim Scott
My recommendation to you is not to take the route of dishonesty, back stabbing, lying, deceit.
Do. Not. Participate.
Be the person who is ridiculously truthful. Draw clear barriers and IMMEDIATELY and POLITELY call out transgressions you see.
Awful behavior within the organization is like weeds growing in your yard. You must not tolerate a single weed. When you see someone doing or saying something (especially if they are being deceitful and you see through what they are doing), Call Them On It.
Nothing will suppress bullshit like pointing it out and making it clear that you see what is going on and would prefer it otherwise.
That is my lesson in my life. When I ultimately decided to be truthful it created this halo around me which melted all bullshit, zapped it like a bug zapper.
And don’t engage in shit talking other people.
Engaging in shitty behavior within a company is like farting in a submarine. There is no escape, no one is going anywhere, everyone is exposed to the toxic stink including you. There can be zero farting in the submarine before the culture can be fixed.
Godspeed.
I don't think this can be emphasized enough. I've worked in toxic environments, and one guy once told it to me like this: you want to be careful of workplaces where people advance due to politics instead of merit. The problem is that your environment influences you and shapes you. You need to be constantly self-aware and make sure that your toxic environment doesn't make you into a toxic person.
But even if you don't participate, you likely will interact with a lot of narcissistic/sociopathic people. Natural self-selection dictates that good people will leave toxic environments and bad people will stay (or even be attracted to them). That in itself will be painful. Most advice I've seen about dealing with narcissistic/sociopathic people is to minimize your interaction with them because it's near impossible for them to change or even be self-aware of their shortcomings. And you are actively seeking to interact with them. Yes, it's an assumption that your org has a lot of these types, but I'd wager the assumption has a high probability of being true. Functional (as opposed to dysfunctional) orgs tend not to let such types get their way.
Know that if you stay, there is a psychological toll either way. You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain. Be careful that neither happens to you. If you emerge on the other side a more effective person, good for you. But good luck. It's not an easy ride. I benefited from the experience, but I'm not sure how much was worth it. In the end, it was easier to disengage myself rather than try to get really good at dealing with it.
Our life is precious and limited. Don't compromise your values. Don't compromise your virtues.
If you don't like the behaviours and ethos of the people around you, ask yourself if you're OK to become like that, because you will, and not just in your work but it will become part of your personality, who you are, and how you behave with your friends and family.
Also, life's too short to spend half of your waking time in a toxic environment.
Why do you want to learn how to survive in that type of environment? Do you plan on being in those types of environments for long afterward?
As for the modernization, is that an experience you could get by reading some books or by doing a side project?
Sorry that I have no advice to your actual question. It just seems like you are trying to adapt to a bad situation that maybe you don't need to actually deal with. You could go elsewhere. A career coach is a good option if you really want to climb the ladder at this company, and maybe if you want to get really down and dirty with the office politics. But to me it doesn't sound like that was your plan. It sounds like you're interested in the tech and you stumbled into an absolute mess of a company. Anyways I've heard Stealing the Corner Office is a good book on office politics.
Individually, I can recommend Nonviolent Communication. It's a great book that can help you communicate effectively. If the environment is this dysfunctional, then acquiring and using these skills might help you stand out and win the attention of other people who might be as tired of the games as you are.
And of course, you can always look for a new job that better suits you.
What really help was reading about human psychology, chanting and generally discussing this with other folk who have been or are in similar environments. Buddhist philosophy has also aided me tremendously in seeing things from a different perspective far deeper than the surface. In general, though the environment may be toxic, fundamentally we are all human beings with different goals, motivations and aspirations.
Happy to discuss with if you’d like.
I have been working with several people found here this year (for very different reasons than yours), and I have found some great help here.
That being said, as with everything on the Internet, you need to do some filtering. There is a fair amount of noise in this system, LinkedIn does a pretty good job of filtering out the scams and crooks, but you still need to make sure you find the person who is right for you.
Most of these people offer free 30 minute consultations. Get on Skype with them and ask them questions. Be honest with yourself about what you need and what they are saying. But also push back a little and challenge them. These people are selling a service and they will try to persuade you, but their talents and areas of expertise differ greatly.
I found one coach who was great at helping me rewrite my resume and LI profile, but really awful at helping me with active communications.
I suspect you will find many coaches who will tell you to quit and tell you how to find a new job (for a fee). But if you search, I think you will find someone who can help.
Good luck.
Rise: 3 Practical Steps for Advancing Your Career, Standing Out as a Leader, and Liking Your Life https://g.co/kgs/XgaeZa
Stealing the Corner Office: The Winning Career Strategies They'll Never Teach You in Business School https://g.co/kgs/Z1AGwB
I hired her when I was in a similar situation and had friends recommend her.
