Life can be very interesting and fulfilling, if you let it be that way. It doesn't always have to be 1), then 2), then 3)...

Yeah, this is the path that we saw a lot of people following in central Virginia. It's worth noting that the social circles we cultivated there were very different from the ones we had (and now have again) in Arkansas, so it's seems very likely that at least some of this is economic in nature.

> (2)

Marriage was absolutely a foundational thing for me. Without my wife, I'm not sure I would have ever had the motivation to dig myself out of the hole I found myself in after failing out of college. We married at 21, and at that point we'd been together for seven years. We knew each other about as well we knew ourselves.

> I think The common thread between these two issues is “hunger.” If you’re like GP and grew up in a poor area, you’re willing to take risks to get out.

Perhaps. One thing I didn't mention is that while we grew up in a poor area, I wasn't really ever "poor". My mom in particular was climbing the corporate ladder while I was in elementary and high school. By the time I graduated we were comfortable enough that we were beginning to be able to take yearly family vacations. My wife's family wasn't as well-off financially, but while she is an only child, she has a very large and established extended family. When we ran into issues early in our life together, I could call my parents and usually get enough money to keep us out of serious financial distress; my wife could get a dozen people to show up and contribute to whatever we needed to get done. I won't say those advantages are interchangeable, but they've both been very valuable.

> you’re pair-climbing a mountain, recognizing it’s safer with help.

Yep, 100%. My wife saved me from despair - and objectively speaking, probably suicide eventually. In return, I was able to build a career with an income in excess of anyone in our high school class that I know of - by several multiples, on average. I realize that statement can seem pompous, but I cannot stress enough that I never would have been able to realize even a fraction of my latent aptitude without her by my side.

> If you marry first, it’s harder to find a place that optimizes earning potential for both partners.

Ah, here's another cultural issue. While my wife carried both of us for a while after high school, once we had children at 25 she has primarily been a homemaker. Yeah, there's been the aforementioned "hustling" - we've owned a small retail shop and dance studio - but nothing that has taken her away from the home for the majority of the day, and nothing that we expected or needed to bring in enough income to keep the family afloat. The way we've built our life, I am solely responsible for ensuring we have enough income to meet our needs and desires. My wife is solely responsible for keeping the home together and educating our children (we homeschool).

As a result, we are extremely flexible geographically. We moved to Virginia in the first place because I'd reached the point in my career that I wouldn't be able to increase my income locally. After five years in Virginia I had enough experience and a large enough professional network that I was able to transition into a remote position. Between my remote work and my wife's homeschooling, we were able to move back to where we grew up and buy a decent home for a fraction of what it would have cost in Virginia, without worrying about how I'd be able to find a job here or about the quality of the local schools.

We're an extreme case w/r/t flexibility there, but the vast majority of families around me have a primary income earner whose career prospects take precedence.

> I think a lot about what this means for my own children. I want them to take more risks, but I don’t want them to fall short of what I have achieved. I want them to support themselves as early as possible, but I know education is generally a more profitable use of time. (Should they be working minimum wage jobs or studying or school nights?) There are many reasons why the youth unemployment rate is so high.

Yeah, kids are an all-consuming topic in and of themselves. Our general plan is to provide them with an entrepreneur's education: by the time they're in the late teens, we plan for them to have at least a minimally profitable online business and the skills necessary to grow it. If they want to go on college, then they're going to be responsible for figuring out a way to make that happen. That doesn't mean we won't help, but it does mean that they cannot assume that we'll pay for them to attend.

My nine-year-old made a comment a few months ago that she "had more money" than one of her peers. I corrected her: "No, you don't. Your mom and I have money. You have nothing yet."

We're not planning on buying our kids cars, paying for their college, or providing them living expenses once they're out of the house. We don't want to "give" them anything, we want them to work for it and value what they have. For a car, I drive a Jeep and already have my daughters outside working on it whenever I can. My oldest says she wants a Jeep when she's old enough; if that remains the case then I'll put a bunch of money into parts and have her upgrade pretty much all of it when she's 13-15. I'll then offer to sell it to her at a very subsidized price - it'll cost her just enough that she'll have to spend most of her income on saving for it for six months or so.

In short - we'll always be there to help them and will do everything we can to make sure they're secure and not facing abject poverty, but it must be absolutely clear that they are responsible for building a life for themselves. To some extent they've inherited economic stability, but we feel it's very important that they not feel like they've inherited success. For my wife and I the hard times that we went through together cemented our character and our relationship. More than anything else we want to make sure that we don't deprive our children of that experience.