The good news: You don't really need one.
Bumping the font configuration fixes 80% of the scenarios, and the rest I tweak on a case-by-case basis. The good standards-conforming apps (e.g. modern terminals, browsers, etc) automatically multiply the font sizes by your screen DPI. Most desktop managers have a scale sliders for the GUI size, if you're into that. Some stragglers include Steam which recently added support for a 2x size multiplier (it's something, but not the best).
You kinda get exposed to how the sausage is made, but the sausage still tastes great.
Linux desktop is better than it ever was, but the road to perfection is long and eternal.