EDIT:
* Failed building psycopg2. Apparently I need to use psycopg2cffi instead. Retrying...
* manage.py now can't import Django. Hmm.
* Yeah, I have no idea why it can't import Django. I took most of the settings out of settings.py, thinking it somehow caused an ImportError, but it still fails. I think I have to give up at this point, as I have no more guesses.
* Turns out manage.py was trying to launch `/usr/bin/env python` and it needed `/usr/bin/env pypy3`. Seems odd to include a `python` binary on the image and not just alias it to `pypy3`, but it is what it is. Continuing...
Welp, everything seems to be running just fine. Here's the diff of all the changes I had to make:
https://www.pastery.net/rrjdfj/
Basically, install psycopg2cffi instead of psycopg2, use pypy3 for the interpreter instead of python, and add two lines to settings.py. All in all, pretty damn short!