Belated personal story. I know multiple transgendered persons (friends, family, at work). So I'm at least partially familiar with the issues. Many of my friends work on LBGTQ policy issues, to which I've given money. I've even marched in our local Gay Pride parade.

My bestie recently told me she's now dating a transman. I looked askance. I had never heard that term before. I wondered if she meant transvestite, transgender, transexual... She got upset. She thought I was judging.

Nope. I just didn't know what transman meant. Oh. She explained and everything was cool again.

Though this is not my cause, I am here to help. I'm an ally for equal rights, justice, responsibility, and so forth.

Just tell me what words you want me to use.

With examples, like this: http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/census-lgbt-d...

Wrapped with pleasantries, like this: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14704542

The only reason I now have any notion of an appropriate phrasing is because I was curious enough to seek examples. (Unlike the aggrieved data scientist?)

If nothing else, this mini-thread illustrates the challenges with communication, even when all parties have the best of intentions.