There is no magic silver bullet that will let you upgrade a database without some minor amount of downtime. RDS minimizes this as much as possible by upgrading your standby database, initiating a failover, then creating a new standby. Clients will always be impacted because you have to, by definition, restart your database to be running the new version.

You can select your maintenance window, and you can defer updates as long as you want - nobody will force you to update, unless you check the "auto minor version update" box.

Please don't blame AWS for your lack of understanding of the platform. They try to protect you from yourself, and the default behavior of taking a final snapshot before deleting an instance is in both CloudFormation and the Console. If you choose to override those defaults, don't blame AWS.