Man alive. Here in the UK a five year treasury bond yields precisely nothing - potentially less than nothing. I have a mountain of cash and nothing to invest it in here. Even property doesn't present a meaningful yield any more.

It also doesn't look like it's going to get better, just worse - so as far as I can discern the best course of action is just to spend it before it becomes completely valueless. To stay ahead of inflation here I'd have to have a 10% yield at least - official CPI figures grievously underreport it, as the baskets of goods they use don't account for the shrink ray.