That's a classic male-female issue. Women, for whatever reason, are conditioned to need to talk about things to process them. Men are more likely to brood in silence instead.

When I come home, I too would really rather not relive the last eight hours of fighting with broken hardware, broken tools, broken networks, and broken customers. Its time to put it out of mind, as best as can be done. I'd rather play with the dog, water the garden, and cook dinner.

Well if you really must not talk about it because you're in a stressful situation... but it's not ideal.

"trying to recap things I've done makes me more stressed out"

Its about the same in low pressure full time work.

So to my annoyance at work my happy sea of happy freebsd has gained two unavoidable ubuntu, and ansible worked on them precisely once after initial install and then never again. Incredibly frustrating. Obviously must be a problem with our standard sshd config although ssh into the boxes works fine... Turns out ansible does NOT just use ssh, but speaks sftp which is a subtle difference in protocol and is handled completely differently inside openssh and I never use sftp other, apparently, than every time I ansible-playbook something (all scp here for generic file transfer) so I never noticed it. To make a long story short sftp is implemented in a loadable subsystem module located in /usr/libexec/sftp-server which is specified by FULL PATH in sshd_config on a unix-like OS but on Ubuntu its in /usr/lib/sftp-server. Thanks Ubuntu, wish you were a unix! Also if sshd tries to access its sftp loadable module and fails because of wrong path in sshd_config, there is no error logged to any file and running the client in verbose mode tells you nothing other than connection dropped, almost like a firewall dumped a RST packet on us. There is no way to indicate the problem, the only symptom even if you run the client -vvvv option is the connection just drops, nothing in syslog on the server side, nothing auth.log, nothing. Once the problem was found all I need to do is have ansible provide /etc/ssh/sshd_config with slightly different OS specific paths based on specific OS which is a good 30 seconds of work. So no small amount of my work time is pounding head on desk swearing and annoyed until I isolate the problem and then the fix takes about 10 seconds. Actually given that I'm pretty good at this stuff and highly experienced and I know the business problem domain very well and I know my toolset, the easy stuff is all automated or avoided or well known and all I do all day is pound head on table for hours until truly obscure problem is isolated, then implement fix in about a minute, repeat. Figuring out the correct solution is about 99% of my day and endless judgment calls takes a lot out of a brain.

After that end of workday I had no interest in talking about SSH or ansible or any of that, in fact it took near 24 hours to cool off from that one and write this post, went home, ate an awesome homecooked meal, took whole family to hiking trail and tried to catch pokemon, generally hung out and had a good time and enjoyed the nice park and nice weather. My wife used to program PBXes and did something with ACD call routing on an old fashioned physical PBX (don't remember the language, its all obsolete now replaced by VOIP and doesn't matter) but even back when we had similar-ish jobs I think we both just need time to chill out away from work. If work is stress, I don't need constant stress or constant work, no interest in talking about work outside of work.