Ask HN: What's the best way to leave a new job

Don't sweat it. The simple general way to handle these kinds of exits is to just walk up to the appropriate person and say, "So, I have some news for you. I've decided to pursue an opportunity at another company." And then if they ask, you can start going into the various factors you've listed above (all of which sound perfectly legitimate). In fact there's one little nugget in your writeup which cuts to the heart of the matter, and while they may be a bit disappointed to hear you say it, it's a perfectly fair view for you to hold:

I feel like I can't be the best or do the work I am good at.

The basic point with this approach is you don't have to hit them over the head up front with your laundry list of negatives. By waiting for them to ask, you're making sure you have their permission first before telling them things that might hurt their feeling.

(Not that you should worry so much about hurting their feelings. After all, it's just business).

It are right that it is a good idea to leave a job without saying negative things about them.

The line "I felt like it was time to move on" is an adequate reason for leaving, and it's not something anyone is going to argue with. After all, leaving is a personal decision. In addition to that, three years is an above average length of time to stay in a technology job.

If someone directly asks you what you don't like about working there (such as in an exit interview), simply state that you don't want to answer the question. If they push you, simply state that you have no comment. It's a good idea to decline to answer all the questions in an exit interview. They don't have the right to force you to answer such questions.

If you a nervous about the initial conversation with your boss, kick off the resignation by sending a short email to HR saying that you wish to resign and you are giving your notice from that day (or whenever you prefer). HR will fill you in on what the procedure is and notify all the relevant people for you.

Just put in your notice and say you had a better opportunity come along. You don't owe them any explanation. Start having lunch with any coworkers you want to keep in touch with after you leave, and make sure you keep your network warm.

This is what I understand: you work at a big company. You got offered a job at a startup. You want to take it.

It's easy. Tell your boss, "Listen, I love the work I've been doing here, but I have the chance to join a startup and it's an environment I'm really interested in exploring."

Some notes:

* Big companies lose people to startups all the time. This is a narrative they totally get.

* Companies never expect departing employees to give them the full story.

Leaving a job is a totally normal thing to do. You don't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings.

Understand that the systemic problems in your present job are a function of poor leadership.

Your direct boss (worse still, HR) likely does not have the brains/inclination/juice to change-up things.

Leave on a friendly, professional basis-- no parting shots necessary. Volunteer to put together a transition document. The industry is actually quite small, networks overlap.

In my experience most (maybe even all?) of the times I've had to leave a job and I think about how to do so, I end up realizing that the best course is to be honest.

In your position I would pretty much just tell them everything you just said. It's not even close to what I would consider bridge-burning reasons.

What exactly don't you like about saying all those things?

If the reason is along the lines of "because I don't want to", then just say like others have said "I have found an opportunity that I would like to pursue"

Best of luck!

Slip out the back, Jack

If you can honestly say it's a shorter commute that's also a good reason to give (although I'd avoid telling them were you are going).